Fine: I’ll Drag Myself and My Dreams Out of Here Myself

Fine: I’ll Drag Myself and My Dreams Out of Here Myself poem by Britt Wolfe author

Read more poetry by Britt Wolfe

Fine.

I’ll drag myself and my dreams out of here myself.

No waiting for soft hands.
No standing in doorways growing smaller
while life keeps happening to other people.
No watching the years disappear
like receipts curling at the bottom of a handbag,
proof of things spent
with nothing solid left to hold.

The room is too small now.

Too tight for the stories kicking inside my ribs.
Too airless for the life I have kept folding smaller
so it could fit around everyone else’s expectations.

Enough.

I will grip the ragged hem of my own becoming
with bloodied fingernails
and drag the whole unruly thing forward
if that’s what it takes.

Through doubt.
Through humiliation.
Through exhaustion so deep it settles into the bones.
Through every voice that ever sneered—
Who do you think you are?

I am an author.

Even when the words lodged in my throat.
Even when fear made me whisper it instead of say it.
Even when I spent years behaving like the dream needed permission to exist.

I am an author.

The pages prove it.

The half-finished chapters that kept me awake.
The notebooks swollen with ideas that would not leave me alone.
The stories pacing inside my skull like caged animals.

God, the wanting of it.

The brutal, humiliating, relentless wanting.

To make something real.
To be read.
To matter.
To leave words behind that might outlive this fragile little body.

I carried that wanting in silence for far too long.

Like something embarrassing.
Like ambition was an ugly thing.
Like dreaming loudly was somehow less dignified
than quietly disappearing.

No more.

I will carry unfinished manuscripts
like sleeping children—
carefully, fiercely,
knowing exactly how much of my own heart is wrapped inside them.

I will write in waiting rooms.
At kitchen tables.
Between invoices and heartbreak and exhaustion.
With my laptop balanced on bruised knees
and doubt breathing hot against the back of my neck.

I will write in the scraps.
In the margins.
In the ugly in-between places where real life leaves room.

And if the cracks are all I’m given,
then I will write until the cracks become sky.

Let the world keep its polished success stories.
Its overnight arrivals.
Its neat little narratives about timing and confidence and fate.

No one was coming.

No mentor with a golden key.
No perfect invitation.
No voice from above declaring:
Congratulations. You may begin now.

That is not tragedy.

That is freedom.

Because if no one is coming,
then no one gets to stop me either.

So I will crawl if I must.
Bleed if I must.
Break open and keep moving if I must.

I will claw my way toward every sentence
that has ever waited for me.

I will become so undeniable
that even the years I lost will have to make room.

And if the climb is ugly—
good.

Let it be ugly.

Let it be furious.
Let it be messy and breathless and wholly mine.

Let the floorboards remember the sound of this leaving.

Let the ground remember my name.

I am done waiting to feel legitimate.
Done waiting to feel ready.
Done asking invisible gatekeepers
for access to the life already burning inside me.

I am here.

I am writing.

I am becoming.

And I will drag every impossible dream I have ever loved
into the light with me
if it kills me trying.

Keep My Words Alive

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Poetry by Britt Wolfe:

Britt Wolfe

Britt Wolfe writes emotionally devastating fiction with the precision of a heart surgeon and the recklessness of someone who definitely shouldn’t be trusted with sharp objects. Her stories explore love, loss, and the complicated mess of being human. If you enjoy books that punch you in the feelings and then politely offer you a Band-Aid, you’re in the right place.

https://bio.site/brittwolfeauthor
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Carve Your Canyon

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Dead Horse