Feelings Aren’t Even Real

Written By Britt Wolfe
Poetry by Britt Wolfe Author

Read more poetry by Britt Wolfe

I wake up already losing.

Not in a dramatic way—
no thunder, no collapse—
just the quiet certainty
that I am already behind
in a race I don’t remember entering.

You again,
the voice says.

Still here.
Still mediocre.
Still pretending this will become something.

I brush my teeth like someone
who expects nothing from the day.

You’re not good enough.
You never were.

The words land softly,
like they’ve been rehearsed.

Because they have.

I carry them everywhere—
in the way I hesitate before speaking,
in the way I reread every sentence
like it might confess
I am a fraud.

You should stop.

I try to argue.

I try to say—
No, I’m learning,
No, I’m growing,
No, this matters—

but the voice laughs,
low and familiar.

You’re not growing.
You’re circling.
You’ve been here before.

And maybe that’s true.

Maybe I am just
a loop of almost.
A collection of attempts
that never quite become anything worth keeping.

I sit down anyway.

Because what else is there to do?

My hands hover over the keys
like they don’t belong to me.

This is embarrassing,
the voice says.
Imagine someone reading this.

Imagine them seeing you.

I almost stop.

God, I almost stop.

Because the feeling is so loud—
so convincing—
so absolute
that it feels like truth.

Like fact.
Like something proven.

You are not enough.

There it is again.
Clear. Certain. Final.

And for a moment,
I believe it.

I let it settle into my bones
like it’s always been there,
like it’s the most honest thing
about me.

I am not enough.

…

But then—

something quieter.

Not hopeful.
Not inspiring.
Not brave.

Just… stubborn.

A whisper that doesn’t argue,
doesn’t defend,
doesn’t try to win.

It just says:

So what.

The voice stutters.

So what if you’re not enough.
So what if this is bad.
So what if you fail in the most obvious, humiliating way possible.

So what.

My fingers move.

Slow.
Reluctant.
Uncertain.

You’re proving my point,
the voice snaps.
This is nothing. This is garbage.

Maybe.

I keep going.

Maybe it is garbage.
Maybe it always will be.
Maybe I will never arrive
at whatever version of myself
I keep trying to earn.

But I am still here.

Typing.
Writing.
Doing the thing
you told me I couldn’t.

The feeling swells again—
sharp, insistent, relentless.

Stop.
Stop before someone sees.
Stop before you embarrass yourself.

I don’t.

Not because I’m strong.

Not because I believe in myself.

Not because I’ve conquered anything.

But because—

feelings aren’t even real.

Not in the way you pretend they are.

They are weather.
Passing.
Loud, convincing, temporary.

They shout
like they are permanent.

They lie
like they are truth.

They feel like facts.

But they aren’t.

And I am so tired
of obeying something
that changes
by the hour.

So I write.

With doubt in my throat.
With fear in my chest.
With that voice still talking—
still telling me I am nothing.

I write anyway.

Because if I wait
until I feel worthy,

I will die waiting.

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Poetry by Britt Wolfe:

Poetry
Feelings Aren’t Even Real
Feelings Aren’t Even Real

Feelings Aren’t Even Real is a confrontation with the voice that lives beneath everything—the one that whispers you are not enough, that you are behind, that you will never become what you hoped. It is not a story of overcoming that voice, but of learning to move alongside it, to create in spite of it, to refuse to let something so loud and convincing dictate what gets made and what never sees the light. This piece sits in the tension between belief and defiance, asking what happens when you stop waiting to feel ready—and start anyway.

Read more →
Vesuvius
Vesuvius

Trigger warning: This piece contains themes of childhood suicidal ideation and self-perception.

I wrote Vesuvius when I was eleven years old, at a time when I felt a quiet but persistent need to leave everything behind. Not in a loud or visible way, but in the kind of way that convinces you your absence might be a kindness. I am deeply fortunate that I no longer believe that to be true. Time, life, and perspective have shifted something fundamental in me. And still, if I am being honest, I am learning—slowly and deliberately—how to fully inhabit this life without that old instinct whispering that disappearing might be the gentlest thing I could offer the world. This poem is not a return to that belief, but a recognition of the girl who held it, and the woman who chose to stay.

Read more →
Unlucky
Unlucky

This poem sits in the quiet, often unspoken space between perception and truth—the place where effort is rewritten as ease, and discipline is dismissed as chance. Unlucky explores the subtle arrogance of those who stand at a distance and reduce another’s becoming to something accidental, something they were simply denied. It is a reflection on what it means to be seen incorrectly, to have your work diminished into something convenient for others to believe—and the quiet, unshakeable power of knowing the truth of what it took to become who you are.💚

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But It Was Ours
But It Was Ours

There are moments in life we can never return to—places, people, and versions of ourselves that no longer exist in the same way, if at all. But It Was Ours sits in that quiet space between loss and meaning, where what is gone is not undone. This piece reflects on the enduring weight of lived experience—the simple, profound truth that something does not need to last forever to have mattered completely. It is a meditation on memory, belonging, and the quiet, unshakeable proof that for a time, we were there—and that it was real. 💚

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Only There Now
Only There Now

This poem sits in the quiet devastation of memory—the place where nothing is physically present, and yet everything still exists. It explores the haunting reality that there are people, places, and versions of ourselves that continue on in memory, untouched and unchanged, while we are forced to move forward without them. There is no resolution here, no comfort offered—only the slow, aching recognition that some things are not lost in a single moment, but fade until they exist nowhere else but in the mind, waiting for us to remember them. 💚

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Even Forests Are Socialist
Even Forests Are Socialist

This poem challenges the idea that survival is an individual pursuit, drawing from the quiet, undeniable intelligence of forests. Beneath the surface, trees exist in systems of connection, exchange, and interdependence—not out of kindness, but because it is the most effective way to endure. In contrast, we have built a world that rewards separation, accumulation, and dominance, even when those instincts lead to collapse. This piece is not about ideology—it’s about reality. About what it actually takes to survive, and the uncomfortable truth that nature has already figured out what we continue to resist. 💚

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We’ll Handle It
We’ll Handle It

This poem is about the quiet, unwavering promise of partnership—the kind that isn’t built on certainty, but on commitment. It acknowledges that life will bring both beauty and hardship, often without warning, and that not everything can be controlled or prevented. But within that uncertainty, there is something steady: the choice to face it all together. This is about standing side by side through whatever comes, not because it will be easy, but because you’ve decided you will handle it—together, no matter what. 💚

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The Water Of The Womb
The Water Of The Womb

This poem is about the family we choose—and the quiet, powerful truth that love given freely will always mean more than love demanded by blood. It reflects the shift from obligation to devotion, from enduring connection to embracing it, and the profound sense of belonging that comes from being seen, accepted, and held exactly as you are. This is a celebration of the people who found me, who chose me, and who have poured something real and life-giving into my world—something deeper than where I came from. 💚

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Work In Progress
Work In Progress

This poem is about what comes after the damage—when nothing is clean or resolved, and healing isn’t a destination but a lifelong commitment. It’s about the unfairness of having to carry what you didn’t choose, and the quiet, relentless work of choosing who you want to be anyway. Even when it’s exhausting. Even when it feels like you’re losing. This is a promise to keep going—not because it’s easy, but because there is too much at stake not to. 💚

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I Used To Be Kind
I Used To Be Kind

This poem is about the quiet, relentless erosion of something I once believed was unshakeable. Not the kind of loss that arrives all at once, loud and undeniable—but the kind that happens slowly, over years, through small moments that wear you down without ever fully breaking you. It reflects what it feels like to fight to remain soft in a world that rewards sharpness, and the fear that comes when you begin to feel yourself changing anyway. Not because you want to, but because something in you is tired of being the one that bends. 💚

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Uninvited
Uninvited

This piece explores a quieter, more disorienting kind of harm—the kind that comes from proximity you never chose. It is about being shaped by someone who was simply there, embedded into your life without invitation, and the long, complicated process of disentangling from something that was never yours to carry. Even after distance is created, the imprint remains—subtle, persistent, and often unfair in its endurance. This poem sits in that tension: the relief of leaving, the reality of what lingers, and the truth that not all connections are chosen, but their aftermath is still ours to reckon with. 💚

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Contained Fire
Contained Fire

This piece sits inside the anger that follows harm—not the kind that explodes outward, but the kind that lives beneath the surface, constant and uninvited. It is about the dissonance of becoming someone you were never meant to be, carrying a heat that does not feel like your own, and the quiet, exhausting work of holding it without letting it take over. There is an understanding here that the fire will not burn this brightly forever—but that knowledge does not lessen the reality of what it feels like to live with it now. This is what it means to contain something you never chose to carry. 🔥

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Aftermath
Aftermath

This piece explores the quiet but irreversible moment when a life is divided into before and after—not by choice, but by something done to you that you were never meant to carry. It is about the disorientation of remembering who you were before you knew, and the stark, often unrecognizable person you become after. There is a particular kind of unfairness in being reshaped by harm while the source of it continues on, untouched, elsewhere. And yet, within that fracture, there is also a truth that refuses to be erased: that even in the aftermath of something you did not choose, you are still here, still becoming, still learning how to live with both versions of yourself at once. 🖤

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My Participation In My Own Erasure
My Participation In My Own Erasure

This piece sits in the uncomfortable space between love and loss—not of another person, but of the self that slowly disappeared in the act of trying to be loved. It is about the quiet ways we learn to reshape ourselves to stay close to someone who feels like gravity, and the harder truth that sometimes, what we gave was not taken, but offered—again and again, until there was almost nothing left. There is grief here, and there is permanence in what was lost, but there is also something steadier beneath it: the moment where the giving stops, where the harm no longer continues, and where a life—unchosen for so long—begins to belong to you again. 💚

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Annihilation
Annihilation

This poem lives inside the moment, not after it. It captures the frantic, unravelling logic of needing to be wanted so badly that the self becomes negotiable—adjusted, reduced, reshaped in real time in the hope of finally getting it right. There is no clarity here, no resolution—only the relentless internal bargaining that convinces you the problem is you, and that if you can just fix yourself fast enough, thoroughly enough, you might be allowed to stay. It is not love. It is not reason. It is the quiet, desperate machinery of self-erasure in motion. 🖤

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Relfections
Relfections

Sometimes the most profound damage in a relationship isn’t loud or obvious—it’s gradual, internal, and difficult to name while it’s happening. This piece explores two very different experiences of the same dynamic: one rooted in certainty and self-preservation, the other in doubt and quiet erosion. It reflects on how perception can be shaped over time, and how, in the absence of being truly seen, a person can begin to lose sight of themselves. 💚

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Disappointment
Disappointment

Sometimes the deepest disappointments don’t come from what was done, but from what was never offered. There are relationships where connection is conditional—where being seen depends on how closely we resemble what the other person already understands or values. This piece reflects on that quiet absence, the confusion it leaves behind, and the enduring ache of not being fully met by someone who had every opportunity to know you. 💚

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Curiosity
Curiosity

Anxiety often presents itself as something that needs to be solved as quickly as possible—something urgent, disruptive, and intolerable. But what if, instead of immediately trying to fix or escape it, we approached it with curiosity? This piece explores that shift—from reaction to observation, from control to understanding—and the courage it takes to turn toward our own internal experience long enough to learn what it’s been trying to communicate all along. 💚

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Out Of The Heart And Into The Mind
Out Of The Heart And Into The Mind

Anxiety doesn’t just create discomfort—it shifts where we live within ourselves. What begins as a felt experience in the body is quickly pulled into the mind, where we try to analyse, predict, and resolve it into certainty. But the more we think, the further we move from the very place where the experience can be met. This piece explores that movement—out of feeling and into overthinking—and the quiet, deliberate courage it takes to return to the body, to the present, and to a way of living that does not depend on having everything figured out. 💚

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The Labyrinths And The Caves Within Me
The Labyrinths And The Caves Within Me

There are parts of ourselves that don’t reveal themselves in the noise of everyday life. They exist beneath the surface—complex, layered, and often untouched—not because they are inaccessible, but because turning toward them requires a kind of stillness and courage we’re rarely taught to cultivate. This piece explores that inward terrain—the winding paths of the mind, the deeper spaces that resist easy understanding, and the quiet, transformative act of choosing to enter them anyway. 💚

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The Groundlessness Of Being
The Groundlessness Of Being

There are moments—often brief, often unsettling—when we become aware of just how little in life is fixed or guaranteed. Time moves, things change, and the sense of stability we rely on begins to feel more like an agreement than a truth. In response, many of us learn to stay busy, to achieve, to keep moving so we don’t have to sit with that underlying uncertainty. This piece explores that tension—the instinct to avoid the discomfort of not having solid ground, and the quiet, necessary shift toward allowing it, trusting that something steadier can emerge not from control, but from surrender. 💚

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Externally Oriented
Externally Oriented

We live in a world that teaches us, often without saying it outright, that our value exists somewhere outside of us—measured in achievements, appearances, reactions, and approval. Over time, it becomes second nature to look outward for confirmation of who we are, even as it leaves us feeling unsteady and unseen. This piece explores that tension—the psychology behind it, the anxiety it creates, and the disorienting, necessary work of turning inward to find something more enduring. 💚

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I Regret All The Time I Spent Trying
I Regret All The Time I Spent Trying

Some of us learn love by trying to earn it. By softening ourselves, reshaping ourselves, waiting just a little longer, giving just a little more—until one day we realise we’ve spent years negotiating for something that should have been freely given. This piece is for anyone who has ever stayed too long, tried too hard, and slowly lost themselves in the process of hoping someone else might finally choose them. 🖤

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Everyone Knew
Everyone Knew

Long before many stories of abuse were spoken publicly, they often existed in a quieter form—shared through warnings, careful conversations, and unspoken understanding. Women learned to navigate spaces by listening to one another, passing along small pieces of information meant to keep each other safe. These fragments of knowledge rarely made it into official records, but they shaped behaviour and survival for years. Everyone Knew reflects on this hidden network of awareness—the whispered warnings, the uneasy silences, and the uncomfortable truth that what later appeared shocking was often something many people had sensed, suspected, or quietly understood all along. 🖤

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Nothing Happened
Nothing Happened

When the #MeToo movement gained global attention, many voices warned that it would lead to widespread injustice—that innocent men would lose their careers, their reputations, even their lives over false accusations. Headlines, debates, and opinion pieces echoed these fears again and again. Yet the reality that followed looked very different. For many, life continued much as it had before, while the stories that had taken decades for women to tell were suddenly overshadowed by conversations about male discomfort and hypothetical danger. Nothing Happened reflects on that uneasy contrast—the gap between the loud predictions of catastrophe and the quieter, more complicated truth of what actually followed. 🖤

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The Quiet Above the Noise
The Quiet Above the Noise

Sometimes the most powerful moments in life are not the loud ones. They happen in stillness—when we step back from the noise of expectations, opinions, and constant urgency long enough to see the world clearly. In those quiet spaces, perspective shifts. The chaos that once felt overwhelming begins to look smaller, and the path forward becomes less about keeping pace with everyone else and more about choosing who we truly want to be. The Quiet Above the Noise reflects on that rare vantage point—the moment when a person pauses above the rush of the world and discovers that clarity, courage, and freedom often live in the simple act of standing still. 🖤

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The Missing
The Missing

History often celebrates the voices that rose to prominence—the inventors, leaders, artists, and thinkers who shaped the world we inherited. But far less attention is given to the countless voices that were never allowed to rise at all. Across generations, systemic bias, prejudice, and exclusion have quietly erased possibilities before they could even begin. Women dismissed because of sexism. People of colour ignored because of racism. Individuals silenced because of their gender identity or who they love. The loss of these voices is not only a personal tragedy—it is a collective one. The Missing mourns what the world never received: the ideas, brilliance, creativity, and compassion that were pushed aside before they had the chance to exist. 🖤

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Better Loud Than Clever
Better Loud Than Clever

In every era, societies reveal their values not only through what they build, but through the voices they amplify. In the modern age—shaped by algorithms, performance, and constant visibility—volume is often mistaken for wisdom, and certainty is rewarded more readily than careful thought. Over time, this dynamic begins to shape culture itself, encouraging self-promotion over reflection and spectacle over substance. Better Loud Than Clever explores this unsettling shift, reflecting on how a culture that celebrates noise can unintentionally sideline curiosity, humility, and complexity—the very qualities that once gave our most thoughtful voices their power.💚

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Propegation
Propegation

Some lives begin in soil that was never meant to nourish them. In those places, growth can feel difficult, uncertain, and fragile. Yet nature offers a quiet lesson in resilience through the process of propagation—when a cutting is separated from its original plant and given the chance to root somewhere new. What first appears to be damage becomes the beginning of renewal. Propagation reflects on that powerful metaphor: the idea that leaving behind what once shaped us can sometimes be the very thing that allows us to grow into something healthier, stronger, and more whole than the place we began ever made possible.🌱💚

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Young
Young

There are moments in life when starting over does not feel like failure, but like a quiet return to the beginning. Even after years of experience, wisdom, and hard-earned lessons, a new chapter can make us feel uncertain again—taking careful steps, learning as we go, and accepting that mistakes will be part of the journey. Yet there is also something deeply hopeful in that kind of beginning. It is a chance to rebuild life around what truly matters. Young reflects on the courage of starting again with humility, choosing family and love as the centre of a life, and embracing the small, unsteady steps that eventually lead us somewhere meaningful. 💚

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Britt Wolfe

Britt Wolfe writes emotionally devastating fiction with the precision of a heart surgeon and the recklessness of someone who definitely shouldn’t be trusted with sharp objects. Her stories explore love, loss, and the complicated mess of being human. If you enjoy books that punch you in the feelings and then politely offer you a Band-Aid, you’re in the right place.

https://bio.site/brittwolfeauthor
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Vesuvius