Not Everything Is For You
I’ve come to accept that my stories aren’t for everyone.
Not every reader will understand the quiet heartbreaks tucked inside my pages, the way I linger a little too long on a memory, a moment, a colour. Some will find my poems too raw. Others will say my novellas are too emotional, too much about women, too much about feeling. I’ve heard it all.
And I’m okay with that.
Because I didn’t write them for everyone.
I write for the ones who know what it’s like to keep rage folded inside their ribcage like a forgotten letter. I write for those who have loved people they could never fully have, and for those who have carried grief like a second spine. I write for women, mostly. Women like me. Women like the ones I love. Women who feel everything and have been told to feel nothing.
My work is niche. Yours should be too.
The myth that creators should appeal to everyone is not only unrealistic—it’s creatively destructive. I don’t believe art is meant to be a buffet of neutral flavours that offend no one and delight no one. Art is specific. Personal. Sometimes it will alienate people. And that’s okay.
But what I still struggle with—what still gets under my skin on the worst days—is the compulsion some people feel to announce that they don’t like what they see.
Not just dislike it privately. Not just scroll past in quiet disinterest. But to say it. Loudly. Publicly. Uninvited.
Why?
The Compulsion To Criticize: A Psychological Perspective
Psychologically, this kind of unsolicited negativity is often less about you and more about them. Dr. Brené Brown, in her work on shame and vulnerability, reminds us that people often project their discomfort or insecurity onto others when they encounter authenticity. Your courage to create, to share, to take up space? That can be deeply threatening to someone who doesn’t yet feel permission to do the same.
Social media complicates this even further. The platforms we use are designed to reward engagement of any kind—including negative comments. As psychologist Dr. Pamela Rutledge notes, social media gives people “a sense of psychological distance and disinhibition” (Rutledge, Psychology Today, 2011). That means people feel less empathy and more emboldened to speak without filter or thoughtfulness.
In a fascinating study on online disinhibition, psychologist John Suler identified a phenomenon called toxic disinhibition, where anonymity and the absence of real-world consequences allow people to express hostility they might never voice in person (Suler, 2004). In other words: people say rude things online because they can, and because it makes them feel momentarily powerful.
Another contributor? The need to feel superior. As Dr. David Ludden explains in Psychology Today, people sometimes share negative opinions publicly to boost their social status, creating what’s called "self-enhancement bias." Criticizing a popular or beloved thing—especially in a space where others are celebrating it—can make them feel smarter, cooler, or more discerning (Ludden, 2016). But at what cost?
What I Wish More People Knew
I wish more people understood that not every space is a debate stage.
I wish more people recognized the difference between public and for everyone. Yes, a post may be publicly viewable—but that doesn’t mean it’s seeking universal feedback. Sometimes, we are just talking to our people. Celebrating a feeling. Mourning a memory. Sharing a truth.
And yes, I know my writing won’t resonate with every reader who stumbles across it.
But I don’t need it to.
Because somewhere out there is a woman who feels a little less alone when she reads my words.
She is who I’m writing for.
Not the one who comments “cringe” on a poem that wasn’t meant for her in the first place.
So the next time you come across something that doesn’t speak to you—whether it’s a piece of writing, a work of art, a community event, or a simple Instagram post—I hope you’ll pause. I hope you’ll ask yourself:
“Was this for me? Or was I just passing through?”
And then I hope you keep scrolling. Because the truth is, not everything is for you.
And that’s more than okay.
That’s how it should be.
References
Suler, J. (2004). The Online Disinhibition Effect. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 7(3), 321-326. https://doi.org/10.1089/1094931041291295
Rutledge, P. (2011). Social Networks: What Maslow Misses. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/positively-media/201105/social-networks-what-maslow-misses
Ludden, D. (2016). Why People Like to Criticize. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/talking-apes/201609/why-people-criticize
