30 Days of Radical Honesty Journalling Challenge – Day 24: Where Do I Still Wait for Permission to Take Up Space?
I still wait for permission to take up space in my friendships.
Not all of them—but enough to notice. Enough to feel the bruising weight of it. There’s a pattern I haven’t fully broken, a reflex I haven’t unlearned. I enter friendships wanting to give—genuinely, generously, joyfully. I want to be a good friend. Supportive. Kind. The person who shows up, who holds space, who listens with intention and love.
But somewhere along the way, I stop showing up for myself.
I don’t know how to set boundaries in friendships without feeling mean. Without feeling like I’ve committed some social sin by saying, “this isn’t okay” or “I need something different.” So instead of speaking up, I shrink. I make myself easier, quieter, more agreeable. I let the other person lead, even when it’s in a direction I never wanted to go.
The result? I disappear. I withdraw. I stop reaching out, stop initiating, stop offering. Not out of apathy—but out of exhaustion. Out of resentment I’m too ashamed to name. And eventually, the friendship ends—not with a conversation, but with silence. With ghosting. With me slipping out the back door because I didn’t know how to say, “This hurt me.”
Every now and then, I find someone who doesn’t take advantage of the parts of me that give. Someone who honours the space I hold and holds space for me in return. Those friendships are pure magic. Lifelong. Sacred.
But when I find someone who only wants to receive—who takes and takes until I’m hollowed out—I don’t know how to respond. I still wait for permission to draw a line. I still wait for them to notice the way I’ve curled into myself. I still wait for someone else to make it safe for me to speak.
And the truth is, that permission isn’t coming.
I have to give it to myself.
I have to believe that setting boundaries isn’t cruelty—it’s care. That taking up space doesn’t make me difficult. That saying no isn’t unkind. It’s honest. It’s necessary. It’s the only way to protect the very parts of me that make me a good friend in the first place.
I’m learning. Slowly. But I’m learning.
And one day, I hope I’ll stop waiting.
Peace, Love, and Inspiration,
~Britt Wolfe💚
